Hanky and I are watching the tennis finals at Roland Garros – the men are on right now – Sinner vs Alcaraz. We watched the women yesterday – Sabalenka and Gauff. That was a great match, Coco was so calm and focused and did such a great job to get the win and come back from a tough start early in the first set. Christopher already knows the results of the men’s match and says he hopes I recorded 6 hours so sounds like it will be entertaining. I like that it’s #1 vs #2 in both finals. I don’t think that happens often. Hanky is hot, we took him on a nice afternoon walk to his park and it’s hot outside. We have the cooling machine on for him and we shared a fruit salad. I walked earlier downtown to Apple to buy a new strap for my watch since I’m missing half of one and my solo strap is starting to break. They didn’t have the peony at the store so I’ve now ordered it online but they did have the light blush sport strap that I was also looking for. Somewhere along my walk I lost my debit card. Oopsie Whoopsie. After Apple I went to Robson Street to Sephora and bought new powder, blush, and tinted moisturizer from Rare Beauty. Selena Gomez is a powerful and humble queen and I’ve been wanting to buy her stuff for a while but was waiting until my other makeup ran out. They didn’t have the apricot lip gloss I wanted but perhaps next time. I’m excited to use the products and refresh my makeup. I’ve had the same makeup for a long time. I need. new eye shadow pallets too but that can be for next time. I had to look up Tammy’s phone number since we all use it for points so we are Rouge status and get better sales. Then I walked across the street to Zara. I haven’t purchased anything at Zara in a decade. Things felt fresh in there and looked cute. I tried several things on, bought 2 t-shirts. their tanks were cute too but I didn’t feel like spending too much. I liked the pants but they were just slightly tight and I’m hoping to be a little more toned before buying pants. I always have trouble with pants and I’ll buy them thinking they’re cute and I’ll love them but then never wear them once I’m home and see myself. So I need to be more selective plus I’m working on slimming down a little before any more clothing purchases. We leave for Vegas in two weeks, it is going to be so hot down there. I’m waiting to hear back from my “person” about getting tickets to Chelsea Handler and Bruno Mars for end of August – Tammy and I will go! and we found out Ashlee Simpson will be at the Venetian the day before so we might do 3 shows in 3 nights. He hasn’t emailed back so I’ll probably follow up tomorrow. I’ll check on it too when I’m there in two weeks. Side note – the commentators just mentioned there hasn’t been a 1/2 matchup in both men’s and women’s final since 1984 (the year I was born!). We booked Spago for dinner on Monday and I have a full day at the spa on Monday; I’m getting an aromatherapy massage and a regular facial. They always try to upgrade you to a hydrafacial but I’m happy with the regular. I should do facials more often now that I’m older, probably should have done them sooner but whatever. I’m moisturizing a lot and that’s as good as it gets. My parents come down at the end of June, when I’m back from Vegas and that’s when my sister is going to tell them her great news! I’m so excited for her. I was talking to my therapist about telling my parents about some past childhood trauma but I don’t want to tell them the same trip when my sister is sharing her news because I don’t want to take the joy away from her moment. I will probably tell my parents when we visit them next, I’m guessing July. It will be difficult but I’m confident in my desire to share, especially since that person seems to be trying to ingratiate herself into their lives. She shows up unannounced and lives in another province like who does that. My parents are debating showing up for her next wedding (she’s been married a few times I believe) at the end of August so I feel I should tell them prior to them attending. Now I feel like there’s a deadline because I don’t want them to attend and support someone who hurt me so badly as a child and telling them after might make them regret going. I don’t know how they’ll respond to my admission but I’m sure it will be with care and love for me. I was also telling my therapist how it set me up for confusion and insecurity surrounding sex and sexual activities and then shared brief details about later experiences with boyfriends that felt like confirmation bias to the insecurities I felt. My therapist says it’s something she’s comfortable with and able to assist me through so I think we will be focusing more on that going forward because it’s been creeping up on me in the last year, feeling insecure, like something’s wrong with me, like my husband isn’t attracted to me and I’m having body issues too because I’m not as skinny as I used to be. I’m not fat but I’m not skinny, I’m not toned so I’ve been going to pilates and yoga 3x per week for the past couple weeks. I’ve changed my diet a little too where I don’t want to and have stopped eating out so much. The summer brings out such delicious local fruits and vegetables so I’m definitely eating those while they’re available. Sometimes I can feel myself just getting anxious and I can’t even tell you why. It comes out of nowhere and I’m irritable and overthinking. I think too that I was such a free and outspoken child, I didn’t worry about what people thought about me or what I said, I was confident and care-free. I think I became insecure in middle school, I was bullied a little (by today’s standards for sure) and I wanted to fit in and somehow i just didn’t. I wasn’t a popular kid but I wasn’t unpopular either. I never felt settled. I felt like I wasn’t good enough. That’s a feeling which has lasted me until now. No matter how well I did in school, no matter how well I did in sports, no matter how I dressed, I didn’t feel good enough. I felt a little imposter syndrome. I want to feel confident and comfortable with myself. I see people post things online and I think how brave. They really must not care what people think or say. They just go for it. What must that be like? And I think I can change that about myself. Why can’t I decide to try new things, to give my thoughts, I don’t have to be perfect but I have this perfectionism like I need to be right but what is right? right to who? I don’t know. I’m not great at conveying how I’m feeling. The thoughts are all in my brain. I want to take actionable steps and I want to be happy. I want to be very happy. I feel it’s achievable and I feel if I start small, the compounding effects (similar to savings!) will make me successful. Chris just got back home from the store, we are making tacos tonight. The Urban Fare has renovated and he says it’s nice. They upgraded their meat section but now he can’t find where anything is in the aisles. My friend Krista is using us tonight for our visitor parking because they are going to the Whitecaps game. Why have a friend living downtown if you can’t take advantage of their parking? lol We are going to watch the basketball game (after tennis), make tacos, and relax. The walk today was great, I love walking. I need to book my hair appointment for Vegas as well as my eyebrows and I might use a boxed dye! My friend Shelley switched to boxed dye again during Covid and I’m pretty sure she still does it. She’s fabulous. I have fabulous friends. They are stunning, gorgeous, smart, successful. Maybe I am good enough after all 🙂