I’m sitting here and have spent the past several hours procrastinating. I came home from work earlier, I did focused work this morning and then met a friend for lunch whom I haven’t seen in a while. It was such a great lunch and I love this woman. She’s so caring and funny and charming and I could have stayed another several hours with her but I had an eyebrow waxing appointment to get to. Then I got home and saw Hanky and Christopher and told them about my day and Christopher had made a vegetable bolognese for us to have for dinner. I have so much work to do, but it’s just prep work, hopefully work, fingers crossed kind of work and it’s debatable in my mind whether or not to do it in advance and potentially not even need it (so would feel like wasted time – that is, if any time can be wasted although I feel like I wasted a lot of time tonight but I did relax and rest and that can’t be a waste of time, right?) or just do it and maybe it will bring positive energy like manifestation that I will have needed to have the work done to make it easier later when it pays off. I need to get back into work mode and I’m thinking that if I work super hard (not taking away from my personal time and family time but really devote to work when I’m supposed to be working) then I really will only have to work hard for 2 years and be set for 10-15 years after that. Of course, that’s assuming other changes don’t come which I’m sure they will. I want to be in a money hoarding faze. Especially after what happened to me over the summer, I know things can change but in a perfect world I would at least have 5 years to build and save and then maybe change to something else. Or stay. Who knows. I do love to shop and I need to stop shopping for sure. Bless. And I know that I can do that. I’m responsible. I have fun and I’m responsible. I want to go back to New York and not feel worried about my spending when I go. A few days ago, I was thinking about New York because it’s my happy place but I kind of think it would be great to wait until next winter to go when we can save more, be more settled. Sometimes I think about how short life can be though, I have experience with short life expectancies and losing people when they’re young so I also want to pack in experiences and happiness yet don’t want to end up without savings either. Such a balance. I have two minds. Sometimes I end up watching tv and binging and then I feel guilty and I want to do it and I also don’t want to do it. I need to read again before going to sleep. I always sleep better when I read first. I sleep worse when I watch tv before bed. Lately I have had a few nightmares. One is re-occurring since I was a kid. It’s so strange and I’m running down a steep hill and then I’m on rollerblades because I need to go faster but there’s this demon following me and going just as fast as I am and I can see the demon between the forest and trees and when I get to the bottom of the hill the demon jumps out. I think I’ve lost him and that boom, he pops out and right before he’s about to grab me I wake up. Every time. I wake up at that same moment. The demon has a black cape and a mask, kind of like the mask in the movie Scream. It’s freaky and I’ve had this nightmare since I was a child. It’s always the same. It never changes. I would have it in between my phobia nightmares. I would prefer the demon over the phobia. I have to remember to pay my doctor’s office because they’re charging me for sending my file to my new doctor’s office because my doctor is retiring and I had to find a new doctor. I had such a good doctor too, she is amazing. She deserves to retire. My new doctor is very nice and closer to home, which is nice rather than driving so far. I was with the same doctor’s office since I was born. I had the same two doctors my whole life and both retired over the past 5 years which then moved me to my new doctor who also recently is retiring so now I found a young one.

I had stopped here and gone to bed as I got overwhelmed. Today is Monday. So I’m going to end it here.